It is difficult to remember what life was like before my dad was a pastor. There is no point in me trying to recall because I was so small when he started. My life has always been surrounded by church-related events; the whole routine of constantly being part of a congregation is normal.
The memories include: Spending hours after school in the sanctuary, and doing homework while my dad was in meetings. My dad driving me to the McDonald’s across the street and then rushing back to a meeting.
Once I finished my homework, I’d crawl under the church pews and count how many pieces of gum were stuck underneath. Sometimes I’d quietly stand behind the pulpit and mimic my dad.
Sabbath mornings were a rush for me. I would wake up early and leave for church with my father. I would follow him as he passed by each Sabbath School class, wishing everyone a “Happy Sabbath.”
My mother and I always sat in the front row to listen to him preach. I loved how passionate he got when he’d read a verse. His analogies were often silly, but they helped get his point across. His energy behind the pulpit was something I looked up to.
Last year, my Dad decided to look for a slower-paced occupation. For the sake of his wellbeing and health, he wanted a 9 to 5 job. A part of me was very happy for him. He was a hard worker and he deserved to disconnect from work when he got home. The other half of me took this really hard. If I’m being honest, I still haven’t accepted it. Being a pastor’s kid was a part of who I was. This was a tough pill for me to swallow. It happened at the same time as I got ready to leave the house and move to SAU.
I was faced with a challenge once I arrived at Collegedale. What is church without my dad? Any church without him seemed bleak. I wasn’t interested in going. I only went to vespers ’cause I needed the credit.
There was not a connection between me and God. Because of this, I stopped going to church for a year and a half. I wasn’t open to looking for a new church. I believed that I wouldn’t find one that made me feel good. During this time away from church, I felt the negative impacts of not going.
My goal for 2019 is to go back to church. Although we’re only a couple months into the year, I have been consistently church-hopping and trying to find my place. I wish I could say that this story has a perfect ending, but I guess it doesn’t — at least not yet.
I am trying to be consistent, but my motivation to attend services comes in waves. I realize that I need to take care of my relationship with God. I’m determined to go to church. I just have to learn how to do church without my dad.
Church photos by FernandezMedia